Secret of Happy Marriage

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Many years ago, I used to interpret the saying "Marriage is not for small boys" to mean small boys in terms of age, until I visited a female mentor that has been in marriage for 47 years.
I asked, so what is the secret of your over 47 years in marriage?
Beaming, she retorted; My son, the expectations you bring into marriage will either spell its doom or success. I married my husband without expectations of enjoying his money or buying cars for me, but with time, my patience, hard work and God-fearing attitude yielded results of getting cars, houses, taking care of our children and all that.
You see, if a married lady keeps on nagging in the house, she pushes the spirit of her husband from the home. If you make the man unhappy, you make the house uncomfortable.
So, I married without high expectations from my husband but simply to make him happy always.
Yes, for the past 47 years, I would be the first to get up from bed and the last to go back to bed. I bath the kids, do devotions with them, prepare breakfast for my husband and boil hot water for him to bath. I iron his clothes he would take to work, kiss him and wish him the best in his daily endeavours.
I asked my old woman, so then what does the man do in return? She laughed all heart and hearty and replied; You see, this is the mistake you young ones make in marriage.
YOU DO SOMETHING FOR YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE AND EXPECT SAME REWARD FROM HIM OR HER, THIS IS WRONG!
When it becomes your attitude to only please your husband or wife always, the other person responds naturally. Indeed, if nothing touches the palm tree, it doesn't rattle.
She continued, my son, never carry "how rich or poor your family is" into marriage. After all, you knew very well the status of your family and decided to marry that man or woman.
Love only compels/leads would-be couples into marriage but it doesn't sustain marriage. Rather, understanding, patience, communication and most importantly, forgiveness sustain every marriage. High expectations are the symptoms of divorce in marriages.
Sometimes you hear, I want to marry a mother, a business partner, God fearing person etc. You cannot get all your expectations in one person. With time and depending on your relationship, you may get some. So minimise your expectations in marriage.
To cut the long story short, as too many cooks spoil the broth, she concluded on the mistakes a couple should resist at all cost in marriage:
1) Never say you have made your wife or husband somebody from a nobody. It hurts. God only used you as an agent for transformation, give the glory to God.
2) Let the man be head of the home no matter the financial, economic,
physical and emotional health situation prevailing in the couple's life whilst the woman exercises diligence in the use of the tongue.
3) Having children should not be the ultimate objective in marriage. They are given to enhance your marriage. When God delays in giving you a child, have every reason to live a happy marital life.
4) Sex is a major morale booster after a hard day's stressful life. Try to be sexual beings and not "Angels" in that marriage
5) Resort to God often and less to men to solve your marital disputes.
6) Let the women " Make up" their characters much more than they make up their body.
Indeed, marriage is not for small boys because small boys struggle to forgive, demand everything speedily, lack the patience to wait, have so many friends etc.
Make every effort to let that marriage work and may God help us.
©Marriage Clinic

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The Strange Woman in My Matrimonial Bed

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THE STRANGE WOMAN IN MY MATRIMONIAL BED. ...(Written by Otulana Funso)

My husband walked into the house looking dull....No hug, no kiss, no hello!
"He must have had a very rough day" I thought to myself
"Afterall, Abuja to Ijebu-Ode is a very long journey"
He went straight to His room, without uttering a word. (Dennis and I had separate rooms.) Though, we were free to sleep together in any of our rooms, I allowed him to rest and slept in my personal room instead.
By sunrise, I had prepared his favourite meal and set the table. Dennis came out of his room, fully dressed ready to hit the road.
"Hi Honey, hope you had a restful night?" I tried to engage him...He just nodded grudgingly, but did not say a word.
"Oh! How I miss his soft touch and his romantic style of greeting...the way he calls my name, kiss my face, and sometimes he gently lifts me off the ground"
Whistling, he simply carried his briefcase, picked his car keys and zoomed off without even tasting my food or saying goodbye. I was perturbed and dumbfounded. "What is wrong with this man?.... In our 8 years of marriage, I have never seen him like this. This is so strange!"
I managed to put myself together, as my son was already late for school. I served junior his breakfast and we set out for school.
On getting to school, I realised that I had forgotten the school's bank teller at home. It was a new term and we needed to pay school fees. After sending the boy to his class, I went straight to the Admin block to pick up another teller, so as to pay my ward's tuition.
"Good morning, madam Bridget, how may I help you ?"
"Good morning Mr Nelson.. Pls I need another bank teller so I can pay my son's tuition. I left the previous teller at home."
"But madam, didn't your husband tell you?"
"My who?...My husband??... tell me what??"
"Madam, your husband was here yesterday around noon, he requested for a bank teller and made instant payment by transfer to our bank. He settled all your child's bills.
"Whatt!!!....You mean my husband was here yesterday?"
"Yes madam, he even spoke to the HM, you can confirm from her."
"Mister Nelson, Are you okay at all? Do you know what you are saying?
"Yes Madam...Wait, let me quickly get you the details"
"Mister Nelson, you must be out of your mind! Why did you give him the teller, without directing him to me? Don't you know that I am the one responsible for making payments? Why didn't you call me to notify me first? You must be very stupid to commit such a blunder"
Gosh! I was very furious, I wanted to literarily tear him apart. I knew that His ignorance & negligence was going to cost me. Only that I didn't know that it would cost me everything.
By this time, I had created a big scene in the school. Teachers/staff ran towards us from every direction. The shouts of "madam sorry", "take it easy ma" filled the air.
I wanted to quickly do a damage control...I pulled away from the crowd, opened my bag, pulled out my phone to call my husband but his iPhone was switched.
While I was standing there, thinking of the next step to take, A call came in...it was My husband's Travel Agent. He called to inform me that my husband had cancelled our flight and our travel plans for vacation (a seven nation tour around Europe). My husband has also asked that my passport be withheld until further notice. (He gave me the information in confidence)
Just when I was lamenting about my shattered dream of a sweet vacation with my husband....
My bank Account officer's call came through, She informed me that my husband had pulled out from a major international business deal. The deal was at the final stage and my husband had earlier promised me that he would fund the project 100%. (I wanted to just enter the ground.)
Not quite five minutes after, My husband's car dealer also called to inform me that my dream car would no longer be delivered as planned.
OMG! The bad news were just too much for me. Suddenly, My bones grew weak, my voice was gone, and my throat was very dry. (I thought I was having partial stroke)
I left the school premises feeling totally exposed /naked, dejected and heart broken. I sat down in the car and wept bitterly.
I didn't realise that The little foxes can really mess up the big vines. My secret sins have finally caught up with me
"Sitting in my car, even with the air conditioner set to the lowest temperature, I was sweating profusely."
"I cannot forget in a hurry how I allowed my bestie, Tega, to brainwash me with her sweet talks. She often told me how she makes a lot of money (off her husband) from the house keep allowance, house help allowance, school fees, NEPA bills, estate security/maintenance bills, even at every opportunity she gets. (She calls it.. extra income for the "Super-Smart Big Gurls")
Ever since Junior entered primary school, I made up my mind to become a super-smart big gurl....Since, I the one in charge of liaising with the school and sorting out everything about junior's academics. It was very easy for me to cut corners. My husband usually sends the money to my account, He sends whatever amount I ask him to send for school fees. (Since he works outside the city and only comes home fortnightly)
While our son was in Primary 1 & 2, on many occasions, I collected up to 4 times the total amount requested by the school from my husband.
Now that our son is in primary 3...My husband called me to send details of the school bills to him. Even Yesterday morning, he asked me to confirm the details again to him via SMS or chat. He promised to send the money, latest today by 12 noon.
Though the total bill was just about one hundred thousand naira, I sent inflated figures to my husband, requesting for a sum of about half a million naira (about  5 times the real value.)
My husbands totally trusts me and doesn't have any reasons to doubt me until now.
Eventually, I managed to put the car back on the road. (Though I wasn't if I was the one driving the car...my heart was racing)
On getting home, fidgeting, I went to my husband's room...there, lying on his table, I found a note written in my husband's handwriting:

TO THE STRANGE WOMAN IN MY BEDROOM:
"Yesterday, I came home much earlier than you expected. I wanted to surprise you with a piece of property (a multilevel building) that I just acquired for you in central district of Abuja... Infact, I purchased the property IN YOUR NAME.
While I looking for a safe place in your room to put the building documents, I stumbled on junior's school bill for this term. I also noticed that you have clearly doctored the bill. I didn't believe it...so I gave you another chance to tell me the truth (when I asked you to confirm the bill again via chat, yesterday morning) but instead, you sent me exaggerated figures again.
I was forced to trace the school yesterday afternoon, just to confirm what you sent to me (Hoping that I was wrong about you)....only to discover that what you sent to me is way over and above what the school actually require.
I can't believe that I have been living with a lying woman and a cheat. How am I sure that the one I call Junior, is even my son? When I get back to town, we will go for a #DNA #test."
That was when I realised what Jesus meant when he said: "it is finished" ....my marriage of 8 years was completely finished!
I had betrayed my husband's trust. How would I ever earn his trust again?
Even if he forgives me, Can he ever trust me again? Can I say I still have a marriage? Can this marriage still work?
I want all women (single & married) to learn from my story. No matter the freedom or freehand you are given...pls #don't #abuse #it.  It is the little foxes (of lying, hiding things) that spoil the vine of good relationships/marriage.  Be faithful, loyal, open, truthful, and straight forward with your partner, in all things and at all times. You may not cheat by having extra marital affair but I hope you are not cheating in some other underground or silent ways?
Pls kindly share on all women platforms. (Tag the women in your life)
I look forward to reading your comments.
Thanks for reading through.
Written by Otulana Olufunso.

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© Marriage Solution (WhatsApp Group)

Sex, Cheating and Death

A man can cheat on his woman and still love her but a woman cannot cheat on her man and still love him. I say this because while men do not have sex with emotions, women can't have sex without attaching emotions to it. This is the reason men simply need a place to have sex while women need a reason to have sex.
Most women who take their husbands to court for divorce are those that cheat on their men. A non cheating woman would most likely never take her husband to court for divorce, unless the man exceedingly abuses her physically and emotionally to the point of killing her.
Men don't equate sex with love. A man can have sex with another woman but still doesn't love her. That's why women who fell in love with married men find it difficult to find happiness in those relationships as they are just being used by those married men. But once a married woman starts sleeping with you, she can even narrates some hidden secretes concerning her husband and she will even tell you why she hates him (her husband). She can even accept poison from you to eliminate her husband.
For men, sex and love are two different things. But for women, sex and love are one and the same things. For men, sex comes first before love (infatuation), but for women love comes first before sex (true love). Therefore, once your woman starts having sex with another man/men, her love shifts from you to that man and she can even start giving that man the best food and love than she gives you.
The fact that your man is cheating on you doesn't mean he has stopped loving you. But I can't say the same for women. Once a woman starts cheating on you, she has fallen for someone else and you people will never live the same again. And she can even kill her husband once she starts cheating on him.
If your wife starts cheating, you should be a lucky man not to die in less than 10 years. It has been found that 95% of women who cheat wish their husbands dead. That is the main reason why it is dangerous for a man to continue staying with a wife who cheats on him. That is why is now encouraged everywhere in the world including in the Bible, for a man to divorce his wife only once she starts cheating on him. Cheating women are more deadly to husbands than ordinarily criminals or weapons. There are many cheating women in the world who invite criminals to break into her house at night only to come and eliminate her man and police officers plus relatives can't detect this as the same woman tend to moan more than any person at the funeral so as to attract sympathy and hide her evil acts.
That's why psychologists discourage women,more than men, from cheating.
Women can't handle the emotional conflict that comes with cheating.
That's the reason an observant and intelligent man will notice that his wife has started cheating on him once he starts doing it because most women tend to lose respect to their husbands and try to avoid sex with them in most times.
Cheating Women will even be giving excuses for not wanting to have sex with their husbands. Study has revealed that nearly 90% of women who cheat find it hard to have enjoyable sex with their husbands, again an intelligent man will detect this once his wife's behavior with regard to sex start changing. But a dull man can never detect this and always tolerate fake excuses from his cheating wife until he is completely eliminated.
Study has shown that every relationship begins to flounder once a woman starts cheating. There are many men who cheat on their partners but still show them true love. But it is very hard to find a relationship in which a woman is cheating and things still remain the same.
I repeat, nearly 100% of cheating women wish their husbands quick death or divorce to have unlimited sex freedom while nearly 100% of cheating men can't wish their wives quick death or divorce. That is why most men cant allow their wives to be physically or verbally abused by their girlfriends. Men will always stand for their wives.
A man would cheat but still love and respect his wife, but the opposite is true with cheating women.
Once your wife starts sleeping with other men/man, just know that your death is near.

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BLISSFUL HOME TONIC

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Secret 1
Everyone you marry has a weakness. Only God does not have a weakness. So if you focus on your spouse's weakness you can't get the best out of his strength.

Secret 2
Everyone has a dark history. No one is an angel. When you get married or you want to get married stop digging into someone's past. What matters most is the present life of your partner. Old things have passed away. Forgive and forget. Focus on the present and the future.

Secret 3
Every marriage has its own challenges. Marriage is not a bed of roses. Every good marriage has gone through its own test of blazing fire. True love proves in times of challenges.  Fight for your marriage. Make up your mind to stay with your spouse in times of need. Remember the vow *For better for worse*. In sickness and in health be there.

Secret 4
Every marriage has different levels of success. Don't compare your marriage with any one else. We can never be equal. Some will be far, some behind. To avoid marriage stresses, be patient, work hard and with time your marriage dreams shall come true.

Secret 5
To get married is declaring war. When you get married you must declare war against enemies of marriage. Some enemies of marriage are:
Ignorance
Prayerlessness
Unforgiveness
Third party influence
Stinginess
Stubbornness
Lack of love
Rudeness
Laziness
Disrespect
Cheating
_Be ready to fight to maintain your marriage zone._

Secret 6
There is no perfect marriage. There is no ready made marriage. Marriage is hard work. Volunteer yourself to work daily on it. Marriage is like a car that needs proper maintenance and proper service. If this is not done it will break down somewhere exposing the owner to danger or some unhealthy circumstances. Let us not be careless about our marriages.

Secret 7
God cannot give you a complete person you desire. He gives you the person in the form of raw materials in order for you to mould the person that you desire. This can only be achieved through prayer, love and Patience

Secret 8
Getting married is taking a huge risk. You can not predict what will happen in the future.  Situations may change so leave room for adjustments. Husband can lose his good job or you may fail to have babies. All these require you to be prayerful otherwise you might divorce.

Secret 9
Marriage is not a contract. It is  permanent. It needs total commitment. Love is the glue that sticks the couple together. Divorce start in the mind and the devil feeds the mind. Never ever entertain thoughts of getting a divorce. Never threaten your spouse with divorce. Choose to remain married. God hates divorce.

Secret 10
Every marriage has a price to pay. Marriage is like a bank account. It is the money that you deposit that you withdraw. If you don't deposit love, peace and care into your marriage, you are not a candidate for a blissful home.

So today let us pray for our marriages and ask God to help us where we are lacking in the marriage. Send to those you care about because  you never know who may be helping. May God bless you all.

@Marriage Solutions

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DATE WHO IS DATING YOU

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To fall in love is not a do or tie affair.

Understand when someone is using you and when he/she is loving you..

Not every delay is demonic; most are caused by pretenders and selfish lovers..

Stop dying in silence..
Date who is dating you..

~ Shine Your Eyes ~~~

(1) There are men who act above their friendship limit as if they have paid your bride price yet their intention is still unknown..

" baby I will come and see your people "

~ For where???

~ It has become a yearly anthem.

Note: The greatest intention is one defined with action not promises..

~ Define what you're doing with him.

~ Don't block potential husband because of a romantic boyfriend..

(2) if you're dating a lady over six months and she is still demanding for more time without tangible reasons...

Brother, she is comparing you with another..
Some ladies are good in keeping a man stagnant.

(3) " You are a good woman any man will be blessed to have you"

~ My sister, put on your thinking cap..

~ That place you're taking your firewood ; there is no kitchen there..

(4) Any woman that demands for what she can't afford, can delay your wedding.

~ Forget that name " baby" focus on body language..

(5) Avoid any man that will use you to satisfy his emotional needs..

~ He is a time waster!

~ Have you asked yourself, why after two or three months of professing love, you won't see them again?

~ They came to use you not to make you a wife..

~ It is not who came first that matters but who came and never left; that's the real man..

(6) A lady who fears God, will not delay your wedding, Check her personal relationship with God not "Church"....

(7) A relationship that will bear good fruit,doesn't give headache..

~ Marriage is not on my mind now..
~ If you see someone you can marry oo
~ I have some things to sort out now..
~ I'm planning something ( every year)

* These are tricks of delay...
* Use your tongue and count your teeth.

NOTE: When a  man is ready; he doesn't give excuses..

(8)  Marry a lady who can see your future, she will not delay your wedding..

~Be mindful of a woman who conclude on you because of your today..

(9) Asking to know is NEVER desperation..

~ Don't assume to be in love where there is no commitment...

Be calm but wise..
Fall in love but use your brain..
Love isn't foolish....

©Marriage Clinic

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YOUR PARTNER’S PHONE IS NOT YOURS

A lot of couples, especially women, believe that the ultimate sign of faithfulness in their relationships is if they have access to their partner’s phones and social media accounts.
“If he is not cheating, why won’t he give me his password?”
“If she is not cheating, why does she not let me read her chats?”
The thing is, someone could give you access to his phones and still cheat on you. Someone could show you her chats, her messages, her inbox, but still be dating behind your back.
What’s the point in being with someone you are constantly suspicious of? You might as well follow him everywhere he goes. You might as well follow her to work, to the saloon, to the store. Everywhere.
The fact that you are married or in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean they don’t have private lives of their own anymore. It doesn’t mean you are entitled to read their conversations with their friends, relatives and colleagues.
There’s nothing wrong with having access to your partner’s phones. But if you only want access so you can keep tabs, check on their chats and messages, then you have a problem. A trust problem.
When you know someone is always watching you, you’re always nervous and edgy. You get paranoid over even the most harmless things. You don’t have the freedom to be yourself anymore.
If both partners agree on open access to phones and the likes, that’s fine, but if one is not okay with it, the other partner should respect that and not try to force or guilt-trip them into doing things their way. In the long run it would breed resentment, anger and ruin things.
Kindly share and don't forget to like our page for more dating tips for a healthy, happy and long lasting relationship.

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OUR SEX LIFE IS AMAZING BUT THE MARRIAGE SUCKS

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I woke up horny.
I started touching my wife on her breasts.
I flipped her over. Got on top of her.
I started kissing her, but she seemed not interested.
I turned my game up. Kissed her on her neck as I spread her legs. She looked off.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Us" she said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"The only thing we do great together is having sex" She said.
"I thought you love our sex. I am faithful to you, I don't cheat" I told her.
"I do. You sex me good. But marriage is more than sex. It is not enough to be faithful, marriage needs to have depth, substance; not centered around sex. I don't want us to be two empty souls that are faithful to each other. We had it, we used to have depth.
I want us to talk, to laugh, to pray, to date again even in our marriage, to cuddle, to make memories, to play with our children, to travel and see the world, to debate on topics like we used to, to play a sport, to go for concerts, to have intimacy in our marriage. What we currently have is not marriage, but a sexual arrangement. Sex is just not enough" she lamented.
"Ouch! That's painful" said I.
"The painful truth" said she.
I started stroking her hair gently and said, "You are right. Things changed when we got kids, life got busy I guess"
She looked at me and said, "Darling people make time for what is important.
I want to be more than the mother of your children, I am your wife, I want to feel like a wife. I want quality time with you like we used to have; not alot, just enough. I want to be loved and talked to. I want our time. When was the last time you stroked my hair like you are right now?"
"A long time ago" I answered.
She placed her finger on my lips and said, "Exactly, you haven't taken time to look at me because we both are always in a hurry.
You know a woman doesn't ask for much. Even something as little as you stroking my hair touches my heart. So many wives are tired of sex in their marriage: They fake orgasms, fake headaches or exhaustion and some pretend they are on their periods just to escape having sex with their husbands because they don't feel married.
I want to feel married my love. I don't want to become like those women. This home is not a lodge for you to come, sleep, get sex then leave day in day out. This is our home, our bed, our marriage. I need you my husband"
"I need you too" i told her and kissed her.
The kiss was sweet, intense, not rushed and not sexual. It was intimate.
I reclined back to the bed.
I placed her head on my chest and for a while we talked as i played with her fingers. We laughed, randomly prayed, opened up and emotionally connected.
Since then, our marriage is not centered around sex; and when we do have sex, it's not sex, it's making love.
Have you made your marriage empty as you hide behind sex? There is more to Marriage than Sex.

Please spice up your Marriage.
Drop your habits that can ruin your home and then you blame it on the devil.

God bless us all.

© Chidi E. Ezeagu

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